Tandem Nursing - My Story.

I know it's not a "green" topic necessarily, but tandem nursing CAN go along with extended breastfeeding, which CAN go along with baby led weaning, which is a growing trend and definitely can be defined as "green" since you typically prepare baby's first foods yourself and aren't contributing to waste with baby jars. We followed this path with Mady and will with Declan as well.

When I first got pregnant with Mady, I remember thinking that I would NEVER breastfeed past when she could talk, thinking that it would be weird for her to ask me to nurse. I started attending LLL meetings after she was born, to get support, and met my friend Margo (one of the leaders locally). She was still breastfeeding her 18 month old and tandem nursing her oldest. When Mady was about 6 months old, she announced she was pregnant again, and she was still nursing! I was amazed. The topic of when to wean came up in a meeting and when I expressed my discomfort at nursing a child who can verbally ask for it, Margo quickly reminded me that children can learn to talk early but I wouldn't want to wean at 9 or so months, right? That really got me thinking and reevaluating me stance on extended breastfeeding. I can honestly say that if I hadn't met Margo I wouldn't have been open to the idea of extended breastfeeding, much less tandem nursing.

When Dave and I started considering having another child, Mady was still under a year old. I knew for sure that I would not want to wean her just because I got pregnant, and so I started researching tandem nursing and nursing during pregnancy. I read a lot on Kellymom.com on the subject and learned that nursing the older child can help a TON with jealousy issues. Sounded like the perfect solution to me! Besides, I was nowhere near ready to wean Mady. She certainly was nowhere near wanting to wean herself. At a year old she was still nursing 2 hours around the clock (thank goodness for bed sharing or I'd have never gotten any sleep!).

We found out I was pregnant a few days before Mady's first birthday and were elated. I was instantly nervous about the reality of tandem nursing so I picked up Adventures in Tandem Nursing and got to reading. I'm glad I did, too, since my care provider didn't seem too informed on the subject and offered me advice which conflicted with the book.

There was some pain associated by nursing while pregnant. However, it was only an initial stab of pain that quickly subsided. The teething bug hit us at 15 months which meant teaching Mady how to nurse with teeth. The pain of nursing a teething child was definitely exacerbated by the pregnancy.

Mady started spacing her sessions out at about 13 months old, and was asking for water more often. Breast milk during pregnancy mimics milk in the weaning stages when it loses it's sweet taste and becomes saltier. Many toddlers up water intake at that time. My supply was steady up until about 20 weeks when I suspect my body took a quick break before beginning the production of colostrum. Mady was down to nursing at nap and bedtime a few months before Declan arrived. In fact, in the few days before his birth she had completely weaned herself. She didn't nurse again until 2 days after he was born.

She was having a lot of trouble coping when he would nurse. One time, during a tantrum, I asked if she needed milk. She, very enthusiastically replied, "ah, pease" (yes, please). Declan had just nursed, so I handed him over to Daddy and that began my time as a tandem nurser. For a while he always nursed first, to make sure he got what he needed. It is VERY difficult to distract a toddler on a mission! We found that a special box of toys and/or snacks was key (Mady's favorite is stickers). She was asking for milk at just about every session but only nursing about 3 or 4 times a day. We were able to distract her every other time. Once we knew his weight gain was good I started nursing her first occasionally, or nursing them simultaneously. What a juggling act that is!

For a few days she didn't want to nurse while he did, but quickly came around to the idea. Pretty soon she was stroking his head or even holding his hand. She slowly stopped asking for milk every time I sat down with the nursing pillow, and became more interested in playing with her "special box". Ever since she started nursing again, she is more interested in the baby and rarely exhibits jealousy these days. That only lasted a few weeks. She is now down to nursing first thing in the morning. I think it's just her way of reconnecting with me after a night apart. She doesn't nurse at nap or bedtime anymore.

Tandem nursing is a challenge. It's trying to meet both kid's needs at the same time, but on a different level than when nursing the oldest isn't a factor. Toddlers can be so emotionally fragile that the slightest delay in their turn to nurse can spell disaster. There were many times when Mady was climbing onto my lap while I was nursing Declan to try and get milk herself. I don't nurse them simultaneously anymore, mostly due to the fact that the positioning is near impossible. Mady still has a worse latch than Declan and I can't possibly keep them both latched well at the same time.

However, there is nothing more sweet than gazing down and seeing both of your kids nursing. They are interacting in a truly unique way. In continuing to nurse Mady, I am meeting her emotional needs in a way that is so easy for me. We still play together and cuddle as much as she wants, but the nursing seems to reach so much further.

While part of me longs for the day when she is completely weaned, the other part of me knows that it will, in a sense, be the end of her babyhood. She will always be MY baby, but when she nurses it is almost like she the same baby I held that first moment I became a mom.